Magickal Mirror of the Soul
Frater Uranus XI° UR-O.T.O.
Do
what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
I was born October, 28 1975 in Lanstuhl Rhineland-pfalz, Germany at 5:02 p.m. The Prevailing Astrological glyphs were Scorpio, Moon in Leo and Taurus rising. I was born on a U.S. military base to an American Army Officer and a dance teacher from Kansas. I have an older brother and younger sister, neither of which I have seen in years, as with the rest of my family.
We moved to Ohio in late ’78 or early ’79 e.v. As I was so young I do not recall exactly. I just remember I was very ill and my father wanted us to be close to his family and to move my grand parents to Ohio. My brother, sister, mother and I are all that is left of my grandfather’s family, he was the end of the Richardson family line. I had childhood leukemia, though I as blissfully unaware of the fact until my late teens. I just remember having to go to the doctor a lot and the trauma of hypodermic needles, which I still possess an intense fear of and likely always will. The phobia is clinical resulting in hysterics etc.
One of my earliest memories was that on Halloween in 1980 e.v. I spoke to a demon sitting at the bar in my home. He was perfectly friendly, but went away when my grandmother entered the room.
When I was in the first grade my parents decided to get a divorce. I was to live with my mother, but I wound up with my grandparents instead. I loved my grandfather very much, he is the only man I feel that I will ever believe in as a human being. He was a World War II Silver Star recipient and one of those people that everyone respects. He was “real” he didn’t have to fake anything. I have striven all my life to be like him.
I began to develop an interest in the supernatural around this time. I started watching television shows on it, reading books about it. I still eat libraries up on their occult book collections to this day.
While in the third grade both my parents remarried. My stepfather is good man, though no longer with my mother, he would help me for years after their divorce. My stepmother I cannot say the same about.
I wound up having to move in with my Father and his new wife. She started out somewhat nice, she liked to give me cake, but she started to become abusive. I would be beat until I told her what she wanted to hear, a lie or not. Despite the marks on my body, nobody believed me when I told them what was going on. “Your father would never do that” but I was not saying my father did. My father is a good man, not abusive in any way, but he was too drunk, dealing with his Vietnam experiences in an unhealthy way. He couldn’t see what was going on. The only people who believed me were my mother and grandparents, and my grandmother on my father’s side. They all wanted me out of the house, and I took every opportunity I could to get away.
I was eventually returned to my mother in the 8th grade. It was a much happier time, but the glue that held my family together died. My grandfather died July 17, 1991 of pancreatic cancer. I watched him give up, the pain was too much. I still feel a lot of pain when I think of him and the way he died. He was my world.
I entered a period of extreme depression and suicidal tendencies reflected in the poetry I was writing and the music I listened to. I became absorbed in a world that I could not escape from, would not escape from until I was 18.
When I was 18 years old, I had my introduction to the Qabalah by the least likely person in the world, a Christian fundamentalist who I had changed into a bit of a libertarian. He had proclaimed everything Satanic at one point and I slowly brought him into a different sphere.
This interest in the Qabalah led to Don Kraig’s Modern Magick, and then to Aleister Crowley.
It was in early 1995 that I first came in contact with David Bersson, or Frater Sphinx. I did not like Frater Sphinx at first. He had a horrible attitude and his grammar and spelling were horrid to say the least. I eventually learned to actually like him and joined the Society Ordo Templi Orientis on March 26, 1996 e.v. and the A\A\on April 23, (I believe, my original Oath is lost) 1996 e.v. I had not solicited for membership in the A\A\ but the paperwork appeared none-the-less and I duly signed it and sent it out.
My life with Sphinx was tumultuous. I was not very happy, and now realize it was part of the Ordeals. I had to spend a short time away to understand what exactly I wanted in life. During that time I met Cassy, my first true love.
Cassy was a beautiful woman, with a glow in her eye that I look for in all women I seek. She couldn’t accept my dedication to the Great Work. She never interfered, but told me after we split that she always felt that I would leave her if the Great Work required it, not her words. I believe very intensely that Cassy is the only woman in this world I would marry.
We were trying to have a child when I got back in contact with Sphinx. It was while I was visiting him that Cassy found out she was pregnant. It would not last long. During the late 5th month or early 6th month, our child expired and Cassy left me. I was so heartbroken. I retired to Pittsburgh to live for a very sad, yet exciting 4 months.
I should have been happier in Pittsburgh, but I desperately wanted to come home. I missed my family, I missed Cassy.
When I came home I talked a lot about what happened with Cassy. We sorted out our issues but we realized we were not meant to be together. I had chosen a life that did not allow what we wanted together to be a reality. I accept this as to why our child had to die. It does not help her feel any better, but it helps me to go on.
I can still remember the day I found the letter where Bersson threatened the life of G.M. Kelly through a letter. I was torn apart by this letter. My loyalties were questioned. I implored to my H.G.A. for a sign of what to do. I realized through the signs that I was to resign from the S.O.T.O. and step away from him in the A\A\ So I resigned on October 22, 1998 e.v. an Heru XCIV.
Immediately I felt the negative vibe coming from Bersson leave. Understand that we did have a great relationship in the end, but he began using cult techniques like psychic attack to control his students. He was creating people from thin air and forgetting who was real and who was not. He was attacking the people who were seeking to help him simply because of their affiliations. It was all a large pot of insanity when I left.
My life became a huge ordeal at
this point. The Dweller on the Threshold decided to test me very severely. I
lived for six months in a home without running water. My lover was extremely
dishonest. She would lie to me about the most trivial of things. We began to
fight a lot. Eventually I just got out of the car in the middle of the highway.
It was summer 1999 e.v.
I moved into a trailer in Logan. It was not the nicest place in the world, but it was shelter. I lived with 4 others in this little place. I had the peace and quiet I always sought. There was no longer the controversy I used to experience almost daily.
It was while living in this trailer that I was contacted by Frater Iskuros XI°, of the Brazilian O.T.O., a tradition stemming from Marcelo Motta and Kenneth Grant. The Brazilian O.T.O. was starting a confederation and decided to join. I was chartered to the XI° in August of 2000 e.v.
Things have since been decidedly quiet. I experienced an extended illness from December to February 2000-2001 e.v.
It was just before this illness that I signed the Probationer’s Oath of the A\A\ on December 6, 2000 e.v. with Frater Zephyros. This has thus far proven to be a profitable experience that I will continue as the universe sees fit.
A more detailed account of the Society O.T.O. period is under preparation.
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